“I am going to make a U-turn in the middle of the highway” has got to be the dumbest ass-wiping thought a driver ever had?! At least a strong contender with “Mr-I-reverse-on-the-highway-because-I-can”. I’ve felt compelled to write about Georgian drivers for some time but yesterday after seven hours of harrowing experiences that made me wonder if I have undiagnosed Tourette’s Syndrome, I can no longer refrain myself. The Jessica Shithole Prize has officially been established!
The surrealistic things you encounter on the Georgian roads test one’s heart condition, quick-response abilities and faith in humanity. Even though you would think that you’d get used to it after many miles and years of driving here, it’s impossible to be prepared for the wide variety of idiotic behavior on display.
Country roads, highways, narrow urban streets or mountain paths have one thing in common, Georgian drivers! Oh, let’s not forget the Georgian cows and dogs (and the occasional flock of thousands of sheep) that seem to be born without any risk aversion, or maybe they know that animal heaven offers a better life. They simply see the roads, including highways, as their natural stomping ground regardless of fast moving vehicles. On the positive side, it does spice up what is usually (in most countries) a “boring drive”, but here, boring is never used in a sentence about driving.
I would categorize three main issues. Firstly, Georgian drivers have not fully discovered the value of using blinkers to indicate what the car is about to do, resulting in shocking surprises (”Oh you are trying to cut in front of me you Fucker?!”). Secondly, Manhood points seem to derived from how often you overtake and change lanes, causing more clusterfucks. And thirdly, car view mirrors seem to be considered a mere decoration, and their lack of use can result in a car deciding to change to the fast lane just when you’re overtaking (a lovely heart in your through experience as you apply full force of your right leg on the break).
But there are of course some positive things to mention too. Like when cars meet you on a very one-way narrow Tbilisi street creating Mission impossible, someone will often get out and guide the drivers past each other with millimeters to spare. I will end this rant before I simulate road rage symptoms here in this cozy cafe. But now that I have established a prize I’ll be on the lookout for contenders. come on Shitholes, impress me!
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