”Are you happy?” someone asked me the other day. It’s such an intimate question, one that has the potential to create a tender moment, a way of saying I care, you matter. The same applies for the response if you chose to be vulnerable. I took a breath, smiled, and answered affirmative. The conversation continued as we philosophized about the deeper meaning of “being happy”, something that feels challenged by the unfolding Covid reality show where we all are unwilling recruits (Truman Show or Lost, or maybe soon The Walking Dead?).
Right now we lack a lot of external stimulation or human connections that we often need to experience happiness. But I’ve been blessed to be born with a sunny disposition (thank you Universe) and a joyful nature. I think being joyous is my natural baseline (and now I also know my natural body temperature is 36.6 after having myself tested several times a day all around Tbilisi since the spring). I of course feel happy or unhappy emotions, often in response to external factors, but these come and go. But joy towards life is a constant. And with Covid raging war against all things happy I’ve become more aware of the things that inspire my feelings of happiness.
And just like Maria in The Sound of Music I have “a few of my favorite things” that bring me pleasure in this Covid-reality….. Being able to hike in nature (and feel my sore muscles the day after). Meeting a friend or three for a soulful conversation (with plenty of distance of course, and plenty of wine). Driving my badass car with the windows down and music blaring (and screaming profanities at crazy Georgian drivers who can’t hear me). A longed for embrace (do I dare admit to such a crime?). Hearing positive feedback from colleagues and bosses (unsolicited words of encouragement is the bees knees). Watching the film My Octopus Teacher (and dreaming about free diving, and travel). Smoking cigarillos (only when I’m in the right mood obviously). Curfew (unexpected I know, but fun can also be had in the earlier hours). Like I said, these are just a very few of my favorite things these days that make me happy.
I am such a social creature and I need genuine connections, belonging, like I need air. Maybe this is how coffee addicts and chocoholics felt during the rations of WW2? But oh that feeling when you find a stash, or someone shares theirs with you, and all your senses delight in the experience. But then like my friend said the other day, “You feel full and empty at the same time”. Happy and unhappy. But still joyful.
I remain joyful in spite of the restrictions that limit our movement, interactions and dream-making (I know its temporary, but still, it sucks!). And I shall continue to seize the special moments. And find my strength. Just like the famous Soviet poster “We can do it!”. You know which one I’m talking about, the one with the women showing her bicep?! Oh baby you have no idea how much I can!
What a delightful piece of writing, Jessica. Your self-description reminded me of what I have read about the 'four humours' of the Ancient Greeks. Your dominant humour seems to be 'blood': "Blood promotes a feeling of joy, mirth, optimism, enthusiasm, affection and wellbeing." And here's a distant grandfatherly embrace for you...☼